i am like a foolish sheep.

warning: really long.

God has reminded me again today of His incredible provision of my life and my stubborn refusal to accept it. yesterday, He was beyond gracious to me by allowing me to visit with a friend who got to go on a trip to Israel and Jordan during the Christmas holiday. our visit could not have come at a better time.

yesterday, i was being completely stubborn. i was saying Lord, this is not how i want things to be. i do not even want to be in auburn right now. i completely thought that i had a better way to live my life. praise God that He is patient and that He is jealous and does not let me get away. anyway, i was asking Him but i couldn't seem to "feel" the peace that He says He will give.

thankfully, i had already planned to meet with cierra. as she began to tell me the stories of her trip, the pictures she had seen in Israel, and the lessons she had learned, i began to weep. it seemed as if i was sitting and talking to my gracious God as He spoke directly through her the things i needed to hear.

she brought me back a small cross from mt. carmel. on top of mt. carmel, elijah asked two groups of the people of israel who was the true God, baal or the Lord. they both made burnt offerings and set them on top of mt. carmel. the people who believed in baal, shouted and danced and cried and even cut themselves, and yet no fire was brought to the offering for baal. "then the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. and when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, ' the Lord, he is God, the Lord, He is God." - 1 kings 18:38

the story is such a good reminder that any other god i serve, no matter what i do to try to make it be for me the god i need it to be, it will offer me no power, no strength, no fire. yet, i do not have to do anything to allow God to be my God and to offer to me all the sustenance i need.

then, she told me a story of being on the top of mt. nebo, where God graciously allowed Moses to go before he died. he was able to look into the Promised Land, although because of disobedience, he was not able to go into the Promised Land. but, on top of mt. nebo, cierra saw many sheep. she said they were going about in all different directions trying to get to this water truck. the shepherd was diligently trying to herd them, though they wanted to go in there own direction. he knew just how they could get to the water, but they wanted to go their own way.

this morning, as i quickly began to forget the truths He taught me yesterday, God reminded me of the same illustration in the story of the sheep. i read this morning's devotional in streams in the desert.

"one day jim's pigs broke out, and they gave him a peck of trouble. he knew where they belonged, where they were safest - and they seemed bound to go always in the opposite direction... finally he herded them back, only to have them break out again... at last he truly understood God's feeling about his children's stubborn resistance against His loving will for them."

"God (the greatest lover) so loved (the greatest degree) the world (the greatest number) that He gave (the greatest act) His only begotten Son (the greatest gift) that whosever (the greatest invitation) believeth (the greatest simplicity) in Him (the greatest person) should not perish (the greatest deliverance), but (the greatest difference) have (the greatest certainty) everlasting life (the greatest possession)." - john 3:16

if His gift, His way is the greatest, why would i want anything else?

"As a deer pants for the flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God...

My tears have been my food

day and night;

while they say to me continually,

'Where is your God?'...

Why are you cast down, o my soul,

and why are you in turmoil

within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise

him,

my salvation and my God...

Deep calls to deep

at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

have gone over me.

By day the LORD commands his steadfast

love,

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life."

- psalm 42

waterfall at ein gedi - where david wrote many of his psalms.