Lilies of the Field: so, i cried myself to sleep and woke up in peace.

Why has God blessed me in so many ways, when every day I turn aside from Him, trying to pursue things that may fullfill my flesh? The God of this universe is a good, good God. Yesterday, I drove home from another place that seems to be just as much home to me. About two and half years ago God called me to spend a summer at Camp Marannook in LaFayette, AL. At the time I was getting settled as a freshman at Auburn University. I was getting initiated into a new sorority, Alpha Delta Pi, and making some new friendships in various places that were going to last forever... I truly trust they will. This all sounds exciting, and pretty typical for a girl raised in the south. But, this was not the easiest time, either. Auburn is a wonderful place, full of ambition and opportunity for young men and women trying to figure out what the rest of their life will look like and preparing for it. It is a warm community - literally and figuratively. But, Auburn is very much a part of the world. And God has called me out of the world. "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2. He has called all of His children to be seperate from the world. My flesh wants to serve the world. So constantly there is a battle of the flesh to serve myself and the things of today, but God has set me free from that. When I serve Him with all that I am, I find rest. And that's how He provided me with great rest. He sent me to Camp Marannook.

I can't begin to tell you the blessings that I have received from that place. Summer 2008 I worked as a counselor. I worked with 13 other college students who were seeking God intensely, and we spent over 100 hours in the Word of God. Needless to say, I fell deeply in love with God and His Word. It is rich. It is alive. Read His Word... dig deep into it. He wants to radically change your life through it. I also fell deeply in love with everyone that worked at that camp, the training staff, kitchen staff, and maintenance staff. And I found a deep love for Mr. Charles and Mrs. Barbara, our "summer parents" and founders of Camp Marannook. Not to mention, I got to spend 5 weeks with precious children, sharing the Gospel and learning how to deny self, and serve whether I am exhausted or not. It was quite a stretching summer but one that was full of joy and peace.

I went back to Auburn and am not going to deny the fact that I faced some of the same demons that have haunted me for so long... but this is the thing, God's grace never stops fullfilling every need. Every fear, every weakness, and every failing. He still remains and His grace becomes greater and greater in my life. His grace looks richer and richer every day... and I don't even come close to seeing and experiencing how mighty and huge His grace is. He woos me in the midst of my trials. He walks through the valleys with me and then every day I fall even more in love with Him. "I, the LORD, will answer them Myself, As the God of Israel I will not forsake them. I will open rivers on the bare heights And springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water And the dry land fountains of water." - Isaiah 41:17b-18

After a year of challenges, questions about my future, valleys and mountaintops, I wanted to go to Atlanta, get a job, and try to figure out my future on my own. God didn't see the same thing I did. He said, Kate, I am in control. I need to work on some things in your life. He said, you're going back to Marannook. After a weekend in March of complete brokenness because God revealed everything that I was holding on to sustain me, and it all came crashing in because I no longer had it. Richard Vise, Auburn's RUF minister, said once said... If we serve any god other than the one true God, when we fail it, it will crush is. This is true. If I serve how well I do at school, then make a bad grade, I will be crushed. But if we fail God, He still remains and we are not crushed, we are lifted up off the ground because His Son Jesus was crushed for us. He took on the curse. Well, I was on my way back to Marannook. This time I would be the program director's assistant. I would be working with one of the guys from my training staff. Neither one of us knew quite what we were taking on. It's a lot of responsibility to run a camp... and the program director plays a huge part in that. Much of my weakness was exposed, but through that I experienced the power of God and there is much confidence in Him... not myself.
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 2:9-10. Well, I got to fall in love with a new training staff! God truly fullfilled every need of encouragement, of community, of the feeling of being needed. The thing is... by God's amazing grace He chose me to be used this summer, and what a blessing that is. I love Him so much. And I love everyone of the people at Marannook. I love waking up to drink coffee on Manna Deck in the middle of the woods, reading my bible with an occassional kitchen girl coming to greet me. I love the deeps laughs of each person. I love the uniqueness of each individual and yet everyone fits so perfectly, there's no way God's glory can not be shown. I love listening to Mr. Charles rap and Matthew dancing to the most ridiculous songs. I love seeing lizards everywhere I turn. I love such intense hugs from the training staff girls. I love the excited children!! They are so joyful and see life so simply. I love God's beauty displayed in the trees, the flowers, the lake, and the sky. I love reading time and singing hymns around the piano. I love it all. But mostly I love the fact that the only way I get to experience any of it and the only way any of it runs is by the deep, unfathomable love of God. It baffles me how He could care for His children so intensely. So last night as I made my way home, I looked forward to seeing my family, but with a bit of heaviness in my heart. I greeted my family in Scottsboro, AL and set everything down. I loved to see their faces. But as I got into bed, it hit me that I would not wake up to those things that I had become so in love with, and I began to cry. I began to ache for my sweet home, Marannook. My mom comforted me and I fell into deep sleep. But this morning I woke up in peace. I woke up saying, OK God, here we go. This is the next step. This is the next corner of my life. I don't expect it to be easy... but I have faith You will stay. I have faith You will never leave and I can't wait to see You and to live for You.